IT’S ABOUT THE MISSION

“Here is Julia, she will take pictures. Take no notice. In case we start our shift, she is part of the unit and can assist and do whatever we need to save a life. But… of course, she should film first,” says paramedic Checka (Iryna) calmly, like there is no threat. Her codename means ‘pin of a grenade’ and I think I understand why.

“I do really love my peaceful life. But now I’m here – doing the best job in the world: saving the lives of our soldiers.”

A day before the full-scale war, Checka was premiering her documentary. The film is about kids raised in the Donetsk and Luhansk regions. Now the village where they’ve been filming this story, is occupied. “This village was literally in the middle of nowhere, and I can't even imagine that someone is going to fight for that. And now our soldiers are dying for this village, for this piece of Ukrainian land to stay with the Ukrainian flag. And I get goose-bumpy all over because of that.”

“I'm sticking around for the mission. For the sake of every life. Especially when you have seven wounded soldiers. And all of them - bleeding. It’s all about the mission.”

“I'd come back for Lviv. Lviv is my hometown. But last time when I was there – it turned out that a lot of people were gone because of the war. There wasn’t even anyone left to meet.  Such a weird feeling.

Checka is posing with her comrade Kruhlyk in front of the lilac tree and my camera is focusing first on guns, later – on flowers.

EVERY JOURNALIST WANTS A NICE PICTURE, BUT THE REALITY IS NOT LIKE THAT

Braveness is not just a word.

It always has a concrete example.

Do you remember the iconic photo of a girl on Irpin bridge surrounded by dozens of dogs? I'm always wondering what happened next.

Nastya, a 20-year-old student, was planning to become a nurse before the war. But she became a full-time animal rescue volunteer instead. At their temporary house, there are almost 30 dogs – all of them rescued from the Kyiv region. The husky dog with a shrapnel wound and ice-blue eyes. The black shaggy doggy that ate his back leg because of famine. All of them jump around your legs, trying to get at least a second of tenderness. Nastya says it takes one hour daily to cuddle and devote time to each dog.

Nastya and her husband Arthur take care of injured dogs and help them to find new owners. Local volunteers support them by bringing dog food, but medical treatment and open-air cages for badly injured animals cost thousands of Ukrainian hryvnas.

“There was no water, no electricity, no heat, it was impossible to stay in Irpin. We walked about 40 meters from our house and my dog, my beagle, tore himself out from my hands and ran back home. I was surrounded by dogs, my hands wrapped in their leashes… And I needed to choose – to go back and get my beagle, risking  the entire rescue mission, or evacuate all the sick animals and then, by all possible means, return to find my beagle. Cause I know him – he would wait at home. It was one of the most difficult decisions in my life. That’s my dog and I… I'm just leaving him?

I begged the guy at the checkpoint for two hours to let me come back. He said: :If you die, I wouldn’t  cry”. I said: “No, thanks, I’m not planning to, I just need to find my dog.” And I found him.

We evacuated 16 dogs, 4 ran away. I’m still looking for 2 of them.” 

While treating an amputation wound, Nastya says rather harshly: “Every journalist wants a nice picture, but the reality is not like that.”

War is not a nice picture at all.

HUGE PAIN AND HUGE HONOR

“My crew helped evacuate people from the temporarily occupied territories in the Kyiv region – Dymerka, Irpin, Bucha. When the Kyiv region was liberated, we went east to evacuate the seriously ill and the families with many children stuck in Severodonetsk, Lyman, Lysychansk, Kramatorsk, Slovyansk, Pokrovsk, Bakhmut.

I took part in the protests in Georgia in front of the Russian embassy. They suffocated me with tear gas, beat me… It was the Red Cross volunteers that helped me. At that moment I understood – I want to join them.

On February 24, I was in Ternopil, Ukraine, with my students. I woke up around 6 in the morning. I looked at the missed calls, and I turned on the Internet, and listened to the audio messages: "Tanya, the war has started, you better not return to Kyiv."

The blood-stained stretchers from Irpin are the most vivid memories of the occupation.

Our huge goal justifies this fear. I love Ukraine and Ukrainians. I'm not afraid to die.

The feeling that I can play a role, that I can participate in this victory. I  find myself imagining how this child, whom we evacuated, would become a great scientist in 10-20 years, and will do something for the good of Ukraine, for the good of the whole world.

After the victory, I want to travel all over Eastern Ukraine on a motorcycle. Only when you’ve lost something, you realize the fragility of the world.

History is being made right now in front of us. This is a huge pain – all the thousands of deaths.
But it is a huge honor – to belong.”

THE CORE OF MY WORK – IS SAVING PEOPLE

“I’ve been working in the State Emergency Service for the last 3 years. My main duty is to pull victims out from the rubble.

The core of my work is saving people. I used to think that I understood what my work is about.  But now, I don’t think that I’m just doing my job, I feel like I’m doing my duty, as a man.

On 24 February I was at home with my family. My wife is an army conscript. My eldest son was in Vinnytsia – he was graduating from firefighter college and was supposed to get his diploma on Saturday. They’ve got it earlier, on Friday instead, cause the war had started. My daughter-in-law (she is serving as well) and wife were called to get to their base. I stayed with my 10-year-old son. Of course, I was supposed to get to my base, but I was trying to figure out where to leave my son? The first day was tough. You are alone, with a kid relying on you. Tough.

[At one point], I was in the basement with a colleague. One person was under the rubble, you could see only half of his legs. I was so terribly upset – there was no chance to help this guy. I was trying to stop the flames, coming underneath him. I was trying to give him a chance to at least breathe.

What do I hope for “after the war”? Nothing. Let's leave a thought here – that the war is gonna end as soon as possible. That’s all that I want.

When you are a first responder, when you are at the frontline, you see all the most painful and the most beautiful things, both of them. That’s the price for being close. Same with people's relationships, I guess.”

“First day was tough”.
Every day is tough when you are so close.

I’M IN THE RIGHT PLACE

“I’m in the right place”, said Nick after his very first rotation in Donbas. The first wounded soldier he took care of came at 4 am, with multiple injuries, including massive bleeding in the groin area. We are talking about blood, while sitting in a city park in Kyiv – similar to what we did in our previous lives, when both of us were photographers. 

“As a paramedic, I decided to serve for many reasons. But the main one is, I believe, that everyone should find the right way of helping out in these conditions. Where they will have the most benefit. I found mine right here”. 

“After the war, I dream of going to rest somewhere. For a few weeks at least, a month is better. Somewhere in a completely different place, as different as possible from Ukraine, to switch completely.” 

Nick tells me that he received a gift from his girlfriend – a new middle-format camera. He says it gives him a new vision, a new way of looking at the images which he creates. I think the war (and life experience in general) changes our vision, and not the camera.

BRING MY GUYS HOME ALIVE

Santa is posing and looking at my camera:  “I also had one before, a Canon camera. The house where I kept it was shelled and destroyed, so there is nothing left.” 

“I’m a senior lieutenant in the professional military. We have been fighting and taking part in combat since August 2022. My hope is to come back home and bring my guys home alive.”

YOUR TASK IS NOT TO DIE. YOU HAVE TO LIVE

"The military draft office opens at 8 AM. We arrived at 6:45 AM and stood until they let us in.
– Girls, you'd better go… And cook some food for us. War is terrifying, why do you need this?...
My friend, a paramedic, who served in Donbas before, doesn't need these explanations.
– And if we cook? Will you let us go?

We went home, boiled potatoes, cooked pasta, and grabbed everything from our home storage. We went back to the draft office – here we are, we will be the first. That's how my service started.”

In the first hours of the full-scale Russian attack, Margaryta donated blood. Then, she wrote to an acquaintance – I want to volunteer. She also dropped a message to another fellow – I want to serve in the Territorial Defence group.

"Your task is not to die. You have to live. If a doctor is injured, he is a criminal. Because it threatens the safety of other soldiers."

She says that she was a total newbie and had no previous military experience. She learned to fire an AK-gun and too calm her nerves, she loaded about 30 ammo on the first day. Before that – she enjoyed boxing and dancing classes.

We are both graduates from the same journalism school. Margaryta crosses the road and says – “I had a fancy life, fans, but then you just realize – you too will get hit.”

She laughs when a man cuts before us in the cafe and pays for our drinks. Kyiv residents are now treating defenders with food & beverages everywhere. I look at her silently, thinking about a decision I have not yet made. But the main thing is to be ready to decide.

WE ARE STAYING

We immediately realized that we were not going anywhere. We immediately got involved in volunteering – it was inevitable. For some reason, the people who wrote to us on the first day that needed help, all knew that we had stayed.

After the explosions, I decided not to wake Masha up so that she could sleep for a little longer. Then she woke up and started to discuss the daily plans, but I said: "Masha, war."

We didn't even discuss the possibility of going somewhere – we were staying.

If loved ones leave and don't say anything, it can be taken as a compliment: it means they think you're strong enough and you'll make it, you don't need to be saved. 

It was very difficult to be in a state of constantly monitoring the news. Oleg, the owner of WIN bar, posted something about needing help, so I dropped him a message. The task was to take food to Okhmadyt hospital, then to the military base… It all started with food delivery. We have a BMW, a sedan, in which we packed half a ton of frozen chicken into the interior and trunk.

Our volunteer team quickly grew to 15 people. Then, the humanitarian aid delivery started – from Poland, from Germany.

We began to actively process applications from specific units – they provided lists, we were looking for provisions.

People did so much good around this time – I have probably never seen anything like that.

This constant cycle of goodness, this purity – without an expectation of a "thank you", it was a wonderful feeling.

It is worthy to die like this. Even if the missile hit, I was doing a worthy deed. I am saying this for the very first time.

I WAS PROBABLY NEEDED THERE

“We arrived in Bucha on the second day after the de-occupation – and it was pure hell, heads on the street, hands…

In Luhansk, I’ve been working in the morgue for 5 years. That's why I agreed to help in Bucha, because other people couldn't cope. The throughput capacity of the morgue in Bucha is 20 people per month. During de-occupation, 416 people were killed in the city. It seemed to me that it would be easier for me to work with bodies, because I had already worked with them. I know what it looks like, how it smells.

There were two large trucks [with corpses]. We checked and described it all. Then, we created a database, and took DNA samples. People came to us – those who could not find their relatives, and they left their DNA samples. We compared them and in a few weeks, we will know whose package belongs to whom, so these people can be buried.

I was probably needed there. And I needed it as well.”

The last bodies of executed civilians were buried in Bucha in early September 2022. 

Lots of them were still unidentified, with a number on a cross near the grave. 

THE FACT THAT I’M A DOCTOR HELPED ME NOT TO BE AFRAID

“February 24 – fear, anxiety, what to expect?

I made a clear decision for myself – I will not leave, I will stay in Ukraine. I have my duty.

On February 23, everything was calm. On February 24, we urgently organized a basement – pallets, pillows, mattresses, a boiler. We even set up a manipulation room in the basement of the hospital.

I didn't have a day off for the first month and a half of the war. 

The worst thing is when there is only one can of baby food left, and all the shops are closed. It was necessary to find food and medicine for the children. How to help them? I asked the residents of my residential complex in our common chat group – and people donated, tearing away from their scarce family supplies – a can of mashed vegetables and fruits, porridge, they stood in line for medicines and brought them as well…

We thought that Kyiv would be wiped off the face of the earth. The fact that I am a doctor helped me not to be afraid. I chose this profession because I want all children around the world to be healthy.

I hope and really want to get together with my whole family. Peacefully, at home, the whole family together.”

WE ARE ON OUR LAND

“I joined the battalion because I just couldn't sit still… Realizing that I could be more useful somewhere else than being at my regular workplace. Especially since I felt like I was doing nothing to help our soldiers – I just couldn't continue to work like this.

The war changed a lot of things. One of the main changes – there is now a complete absence of fear of my bosses at work, and freedom to make independent decisions, and be responsible for them.

We are on our land – there is simply nowhere to step back, and we want to live freely. I find strength and inspiration in the fact that the more I help, the sooner our victory will come. After our victory, I dream of a normal vacation and a trip to interesting cities of Ukraine, which still are plenty… peaceful, I hope… God willing.”

A HEART-SHAPED SCAR WITH A BOW

“The war started for me on Maidan Square, in 2013. I was studying medicine then. During the revolution, I was a medic carrying the injured protesters to the Mykhailivskiy Church and giving them first aid. Then I served in the National Guard and in the Aidar battalion. After the service, I’ve been working as a chef in different restaurants in western Ukraine, and launched a small business – a small coffee place in Kyiv. On 24 Feb 2022, I closed it.

I was sleeping and heard the explosion. The neighbor cried loudly: “The war has started! Berdyansk, Kharkiv are under attack! The whole country is under shelling!” When the shelling happened close to Kyiv – I felt it. My first thought was – I should go to the military draft office.

Because of my activism on Maidan, my mom in Donetsk was under threat. Our house had been searched, and on my birthday, when she called me by video – pro-Russian separatists came, put a knife to my mom’s neck and started to threaten me: We’ll kill her if you don’t come here. But my mom doesn’t scare easily. She said: “Don’t you even think of coming here!” I didn’t come back [to Donetsk] after these words. They didn’t touch Mom anymore.

A friend of mine got injured. He is not alive anymore. But the first injury he got was a shrapnel wound to the head. I gave him first aid and stitched his head, finishing up with a bow. He walked around with this bow for two weeks. He had a heart-shaped scar with a bow.

You don’t remember all of the missions. The main thing is that almost all the injured guys I’ve helped are alive.

I miss my friends and I hope for a peaceful life – when you can walk in the park or next to the river, or go for a barbeque party somewhere in the forest, without having to think – is it mined or not?”

WHEN PEOPLE CHOOSE LOVE, THEY ALWAYS CHOOSE RIGHT

“I moved to Germany in 2015, where I’ve been studying and received secondary medical education as an ophthalmologist. When the invasion began, I realized that I could not just live on as if nothing was happening, while knowing that I could help. So, I could not stay in Germany any longer. 

I quit my job, rented out my apartment, and came to Ukraine to help the Christian Medical Association (I brought a couple of tons of medicines and food from Germany). Then I joined the Red Cross in Mykolaiv as a doctor, and was volunteering for 1.5-2 months. Right after – the Hospitallers battalion responded to my request for cooperation, and I joined them.

After the war, I still don't know if I will go back, or if I will stay here. But I dream of a family (one daughter!), a stable job, and hope for a peaceful life without Russians.”

Nimets has a silver cross as an earring, and several tattoos. During the first rotation, he took a white guitar with him to Donbas, and I started to laugh: “It’s like a white piano on ashes!”, referring to the Ukrainian phrase when something surprisingly grows in difficult circumstances – "from ashes". “Maybe I’m this white piano”, he answered. There is an inscription written on his guitar: “When people choose love, they always choose right.”

KIDS WILL COME BACK HOME. ALIVE

Palyanytsia initiative is a volunteer campaign of Kyiv cafes&restaraunts to provide free lunches every day for people in need – usually, elderly people who have no relatives left in town. 

Olena: “My duty is to organize people. The psychological factor is very important – if you need to replace a person in the volunteer team, or help somewhere in the kitchen – you just join. Thanks to that everything runs like clockwork. My son Ivan knows that I have a lot of experience in the restaurant industry, so he listens to me. We do it because we want to do it. People don't just come here, they really want to help.

It is very important to help these old people because we must be united. It is good that they have a place to come. They say they don't watch the news, somehow they relax psychologically, and they smile. It is very important.

My eldest son serves in the Armed Forces. 
He was supposed to go to Kharkiv but stayed to defend Kyiv.
I hope that peace will come. And everything will bloom as usual. This Kyiv spring, Kyiv blooming... Kids will come back home. Alive. And we will rebuild everything.”

Ivan: “I help my people. I stand for my country and for my city. I was a waiter before the war. I can't even imagine what it was like "before the war" anymore. It has changed me a lot. First of all, I really want to live.

I am here because it is necessary to help pensioners. If I were that age, I would be happy if someone helped me or paid attention.

On February 24, I was going to work and had bought tickets for a concert. My moom said: "You're not going to work. War". Then Russians fired at the military unit where my brother was. After that, I began to accept this reality. The first time the shelling happened near my house, I was scared and started to cry.

For those people who died for us – I am very proud of them. Hope is within – that everything will be fine, and it will all get back to normal. And all those who died – their memory will be honored. For eternity.”

Ivan wears a T-shirt with The National Guard of Ukraine emblem. It’s a gift from his older brother.

EVERYONE STANDS FOR EACH OTHER

“I am at war for the 7th year. There were times where it was necessary to change the soldiers [who served before]. But I just didn't want to leave, here everyone stands for each other.

On February 24, I was in the sector near Horlivka, which is close to Donetsk. I saw on the news that Russians are bombing the whole country. No one believed it would happen, but then they did it.

Originally I’m from the Mykolaiv region and still have a family there, they don't want to leave. The only hope I have – is just to see my daughter. She is 3 years old. 

The last time I met her was when I was in the hospital, a month ago. I got a concussion in the evening, and then another one the next morning… Then I was sent to the hospital for treatment, but I refused hospitalization and came back to the field.”

In a few days, the head of the paramedic team would show me a portrait of Fahot injured. These kinds of pics are always shaky, made with bad light, but always real. Photography captures only one moment, war lasts longer.

FIRST CALL TO MOM: 
–WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 
–I WENT [TO SERVE]. 
–OK, DEAR, STAY SAFE.

“The mood was: hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Originally I’m from Sevastopol, Crimea, and in 2014 we did not expect that we would be displaced from the peninsula. Therefore, preparing for the worst scenarios is my priority. Deeply inside I knew it would happen. I started preparing last autumn. I wanted to be wrong, but…

I was born to a military family. It was a "funny” story leaving the peninsula and hiding our documents in game consoles. My family was prepared – my father has been fighting since 2014. The first call I made was to my mother: 
–What are you doing? 
–I went [to serve]. 
–Ok, dear, stay safe. 
I am very grateful to her for that.

Now I am a paramedic, I evacuate the wounded – both civilians and military. I’ve been working in the Kyiv region. Why you ask? You understand: The war is starting – you have to be here.

I don't want "Russian peace". I want to live in a free Ukraine. To come home, stroke my cat and know that tomorrow I will not be jailed for tweeting or reposting something on social media. 

If you constantly hope that the war will end in a week, or a month, the failure to fulfill these hopes will be very demotivating. Now I don't pay attention to every exact day. Today is still February 24. But I set a reward for myself – after the victory, I will fulfill my dream and fly to Japan. This will be my victory.”

I HAVE MY INSTINCT

“During peacetime, I ran different businesses – in advertising, video production. Now, I run first aid trainings, and first aid services for film production.

The war started with the annexation of Crimea in 2014. My grandparents were there. My grandfather supported the occupation, but my grandmother didn’t and moved away from the peninsula. In a few months, my friends went to the military draft office. I also went there, but they didn’t take me. I started to volunteer. At one point I found a bunch of great first aid kits from the States, but nobody knew how to use them. That’s how I started to learn how to work as a paramedic instructor.

Then, during a trip to the war front , we were told that we couldn’t leave because the heavy shelling had started. And I even surprised myself that I could work with injured soldiers. So from mid-2014 until 2018, I’ve been serving as a paramedic for medical evacuation. 

On 24 February 2022, we woke up at 5 AM with my boyfriend (he is a war veteran, now also serving as a soldier again), with our backpacks prepared: “Adventure time, everything has started”. We said goodbye to each other.

Now I am waiting to go east, to continue my work as a combat medic. 

I had a feeling that full-scale war would start. I canceled my trip to the States for the One World program, because I had a crazy feeling that I’d read the news about the war on the plane or while in the USA, and there would be no way to come back. 

I have my instinct.” 

I WILL NOT BE BROKEN. THEY MAY KILL ME, BUT THEY CAN’T BREAK ME.

“I'm managing a wartime community, let's say "Podolyanochka"  – the war edition. We help activate/mobilize people, because in the first days everyone was a bit lost. Now we have 5 spots – for producing barricades, training in tactical medicine, purchasing of thermal imagers, and walkie-talkies, and humanitarian aid delivery, mainly medicines.

Well, the main thing we have is a sense of community. I call the current state: "Maidan on steroids. Or Maidan at full speed."

You make many decisions in the beginning in your head. I said to myself: "I will not be broken. They may kill me, but they can't break me."

I was woken up by a neighbor on February 24. "Dude, there's rocket fire. The war has begun." I moved into the corridor, the windows were taped over, and then... I can't imagine not being in Kyiv: my community is here, my home, and my parents. Where shall I go? When I say Kyiv, I think about people. My neighborhood is not just the houses on the streets, it is something in between. Something you don't see. It's about trust. About support. About community.

Hope is needed when there is a feeling that everything is turning to shit. I don't have a feeling that everything is shitty. I have a feeling - fuck, it's a fight, so let's fight.”

BACKBONE

My friend Pasha tells me: “This city has a backbone. That is what Kyiv has proved. The city knows how to deal with circumstances. It knows how to defend its point of view. Its people have a backbone. The city becomes not a besieged fortress. The city takes off the pixel uniform and changes into civilian clothes.”

Pasha puts on a pixel uniform again and goes east. 

I'm staying for now.